Crash and Burn

My major accomplishment on this glorious Saturday morning.... I took an allen wrench, fiddled at great length with the seat and managed to move it to the lowest possible setting. It gives me just enough extra room so that I can touch the ground with the tips of my toes when seated on the saddle.

Next, I took all my Sports Authority purchases out of the bag, put them on and took a good look in the mirror. I am pleased that the XXL sweat-wicking men's tee by Champion does the very thing for which I intended - namely, rest below my giant tushie.

I walked the bike down our gravel and pot-holed driveway until I reached the street. I strapped the helmet to my head, took a deep breath, and began to tentatively toe-walk the bike into motion until the pedal reached just to the front of my left foot.

I put my foot on the pedal, said, "Let's Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide" in my best biker growl, and pushed.

Lo and behold! Forward movement! I glided along, amazed with the ease of it, moving in a wobbly but foward trajectory at about half the speed of walking. I continued in this manner for about 300 feet, and then, drunk with the glory of my triumph, decided to try a turn to the left.

With considerable trembling and biting of my lip, I managed a perfectly acceptable left turn and continued down a cul de sac. I figured it would be a good, quiet place to try another turn.

The second turn proved more problematic than the first, mainly because at the last minute, I lost my nerve and continued rolling straight ahead, up onto the neighbor's lawn and into a small shrub, which cushioned my fall and made for a pleasant landing.

Once I righted the bike, I took it once more out into the street and continued forward again, as before. About 200 feet down the street, I encountered the most alarming sensation - my pedaling no longer seemed to have any relevance to the speed at which the wheels were turning. It was plain to me that the wheels had continued to rotate faster than I had been pedaling! I suppose the Red Dragon had gotten tired of such a pedantic speed and decided to take it up a notch.

Fully in command now, mostly from irritation, I stopped the Red Dragon from spiriting me away on a whim. I grabbed the hand brakes and wobbled to a stop, crashing off the bike to the right and landing on both knees and both hands with the bike firmly pressed between my thighs. I know this to be the case strictly by feel, since at the same time my ponytail and the velocity of the fall had caused my helmet to drop down into my eyes.




We waited there for a moment, the bike and I, to assess the damage, but more importantly to drive the point home. I am in control. I will decide when we plow into shrubs and when we crash on the asphalt. This dragon will obey, or I will sytematically remove all the top layer of my epidermis until it does. So there.

I said in a previous post that the dragon is merciless. Perhaps I misjudged it a bit.
Indeed, we got along quiet companionably on the slow walk back to the house.