Ok, so I wasn't in the movie....

But heck, I was in the vortex for 10 days, which is nine days and twenty-two hours longer than Jimmy Stewart in his 120-minute film.

I love Overlake Hospital, they have the best doctors! Dr. Gorman is a tall, slender gentleman with white hair and a coolish demeanor which is belied by his Native American nametag and groovy Teva sandals. He's also a crackerjack neurologist.

After posing me in assorted interesting positions and making me walk across the floor first on my toes, then on my heels, he put me in a pair of goggles that were designed specifically to make the wearer resemble Mr. Magoo. They have magnifying lenses in them which make it impossible to see out of them but very easy for the doctor to see the eyes of the wearer, which now appear magnified to the size of small salad plates.

He had me look up, then down, then to the right and left, all the while muttering, "Uh huh....yep....uh huh." He then pronounced me vertiginous, which I affirmed with great gusto and nodding of my goggled head.

After we both agreed that I had vertigo and looked suitably ridiculous in magnified goggles, I trotted off with a presciption for physical therapy to set the matter right.

Forty minutes later I was delivered into the capable hands of Holly, who used something called the Epley Maneuver to rid my of the dizziness. Apparently, there are small crystals in the inner ear which can sluff off and deposit themselves in unlikely places in the canals, causing vertigo.

I have been told that there are only three reasons why this occurs: damage to the ear, of which I have had none, old age, which I stoutly object to, and idiomatic cause, which basically means we have no idea and hope it doesn't happen again.

So endeth my vertigo.

Now if I could only get an Epley maneuver to rid me of the swirlies I get riding the dragon!